Sometimes...

- I lose perspective

- I lose sanity

- Sometimes I run smack bang into a solid wall of horrific awfulness:

Where I feel my seven years of chronic pain: where I am reminded of the daily struggle of life with a disability: where I am reminded of past trials that have left their mark: where I feel all alone feeling as if the whole world is in a couple and having cute little babies: where is feels like life is so very off-course and other people are living the life I want.

It is in this place that I complain that other people are having an easy ride without knowing a single thing about their lives. I yell and scream that I have had enough trials and that it's time to go pick on someone else. I crumble and fall under the imagined weight. It is there that I yell that it is just too much for one person. I cry that I am done.

- Sanity returns after my temper tantrum. That's what it is - me throwing a fit because I feel like everything is unfair. It is simply me feeling like I have been left out and forgotten. It's just me with my idiotic insecurities feeling like I'm not good enough.

Instead I choose to claim what is mine:
- yes I have a disability
- yes I am in constant sever chronic pain
- yes I have a history (who doesn't)
- yes I am currently single
- yes I want the whole package
- yes I am hurt that things aren't going according to plan

- BUT I refuse to let it steal my joy. I refuse to let it color my European adventure in hues of sadness and bitterness.

Instead I choose to acknowledge my dreams, hopes, and desires. I choose to acknowledge my past hurts and pain. I choose to acknowledge my ongoing struggles.

But I refuse to let them define me. Instead I choose to get on with life as it is right now.

Most of all I choose to enjoy my holiday and not let myself be dragged down by the darker parts of life.

Sometimes I lose sanity and perspective for a while. But I usually make it back...

Does this ever happen to you? Are you ever overwhelmed by your own insecurities and hurts? Don't let them define you, dear one, instead use them as a launch pad to your next big adventure.