I want I want I want!!!

So I have a latest L-O-V-E item!!

It is the Nikon D5000 with a twin lens kit.
Isn't it beautiful??!!??

I want to get it as soon as possible. Before my trip to Europe in September - because I want to take it on my trip and be able to take really good photos when I'm away. Plus I think the articulating screen will really come in handy for those self-portraits.

Now to the problem - I brought an SLR camera from someone on eBay but they turned out to be a fraudster. So now before I can get this beautiful camera I have to wait and see if PayPal will refund my money. If I can't get the money back then it will be a LONG time until I can get the Nikon D5000. Sad. Totally gone off eBay and feeling a little burned. But never fear, if I get my money back from PayPal, I will get this camera from a company.

I really love taking photos and I would love to take my photography up a notch which is the reason for the upgrade to a DSLR.

Fingers crossed I get my money back. I'll keep you posted. What's your latest L-O-V-E item?

Have you seen them?

So this is the dream...

Now we're talking the ULTIMATE dream. This is not the realistic dream. This is the pie-in-the-sky BIG dream. This is what I'm working for knowing full well it probably won't happen. But, hey, everyone has to have that kind of goal.

Anyway on to the dream. One day, one day far away I would love to be a published author. Like I said I know this is a next to impossible dream. And I know my writing style doesn't even begin to come up to scratch. But I'm working on it. I'm taking as many writing courses as possible, getting direction from my English Literature professor, writing prolifically and getting my words out (thank you blog!)

Which brings me to the reason for this post...

My mind is too full. I'm struggling to find my own words at the moment. I don't know where they've gone. I mean, really, they must be SOMEWHERE but at the moment they are proving impossible to find. Oh I have words, I have hundreds of them in fact but none of them are mine, instead they are the words of Shelly, Keats, Tolkien, Wilde, Dickens, Wordsworth and Melville. Top quality words to be sure but they aren't mine. Mine have run away...

So, if in your wanderings you happen across my words could you please tell them to come home? Or at the very least call so that I know they are safe? I am so frightfully worried about them..

Image found: http://with-accusing-eyes.deviantart.com/art/Words-139336653

An interesting experience

I had an exceptionally interesting day. Today I felt more disabled than I have in a long, LONG time... Let me explain...

First if you know me or have read my blog before you'll know that I have a mild form of cerebral palsy.

What I mean by feeling more disabled is that I know what I am skilled at and what I enjoy and I live my life accordingly. I'm a library person, I'm a watching movie person, I'm a reader, I'm a let's-go-for-coffee/let's-go-out-for-dinner person and I'm a let's-go-shopping person if the occasion calls for it. I am NOT a sport activities person - I'm talking nothing more than short (15 min), slow walks and the occasional swim. I have next to no physical strength and/or prowess.

This is for a number of reasons not the least of which is I am PHYSICALLY disabled. Not to mention my personality is more creatively attuned than having a focus on physicality. But to be honest I am hardly ever aware than I'm disabled (I mean, I'm disabled - that is a completely a part of me) but I have been living with my disability my whole life and I have figured out how to live my life to it's fullest with my disability having a very minimal impact. Now it must be understood I am 'all there' up there. I am of average intelligence. I manage to work, study at university and have an active social life. I love my life and I am proud of what I have accomplished and what I will accomplish!!!

Bur today I felt incredibly disabled... You see one of my good friends was having a hens night (day). With me she dinners and watches movies but she loves physical activity. So after having a picnic morning tea we walked to the next activity - a exceptionally (for me at least) fast-paced 1/2 an hour walk. I was dead tried with seriously sore feet when we arrived at the destination - all this before the activity. Kayaking up the Brisbane river!!

So after having a mild panic attack (okay not so mild - I started crying my eyes out. Thankfully the bride-to-be was already in the water). I managed to get into the kayak without falling in (a true fear). And started to paddle and paddle and paddle and paddle and I had managed to get nowhere except take myself in a circle. After 10 min of this with my friends about 200 meters down the river I was begging our guide (who was supposed be paddling with the rest of the group) to let me out so he could go and actually guide the tour. Instead the tethered my kayak to the back of his and pulled me allow under the provision that I paddle as well (knowing full well that my paddling skill was much the same as trying to win a sword fight with a cooked noodle). My arms were KILLING 15 min into the kayaking adventure -- and it was a 1 1/2 hour tour!! Anyway, with the guide at the helm I managed to keep pace with the rest of the group but all the while knowing that I was completely incapable of completing this task by myself. I was so out of my element. I felt utterly DISabled. This was one of the first times I've wished I was just like every one else and I felt lost.

Basically it was a complete excise in reminding me just how different I am. I had gotten so good at 'passing' and so good at sticking to what I'm good at that it was a shock to me to realize that I am so different. Plus I started to feel extremely self-conscious that all my friends were realizing just how disabled and how different I am - now I have no idea what they actually think, you'll have to ask them.

So now I'm here at the end of this challenging day just trying to process it all feeling sorer than I have felt. I suppose I hadn't realized how much I had built my life to fit my disability. I have worked hard to make my life work to the optimum. Now questions remain. Will my friends look at me differently? Will I look at me differently? But in it all I'm glad that I went because I got to share an experience with some good friends celebrating an awesome friend's up-coming wedding. And she wanted me there and she shared an activity that she loves. Plus this has allowed me the chance to review how I live my life and how I feel about my life, who I am and by what definition I consider success.

So that was my day. How was yours?

Inspiration hits at the most inconvenient times...

So there I am in bed at 1am tossing and turning trying in vain to get to sleep... with the full knowledge that I have to get up in 5 hours to get to work... SUDDENLY inspiration hits and I know, I just KNOW, that I have no hope of getting to sleep til I get this out...

So without further ado I give you the poem that won't let me sleep!

Can't You See I'm Broken?

~ by Tafline

Will you be fascinated by my flaws?
Do you see the beauty behind the cracks?
Can you accept that I'm exquisitely damaged?
Would you please adore me for all that I am?

Image from: http://monaveela.deviantart.com/art/Crashed-140805866

Now I can breathe a sigh of relief... I wonder if sleep will visit me now?

Until next time blogger buddies - stay safe...



---

Nope didn't work... It's now almost 6am and I've only had about half an hours sleep. Oh well, into the work abyss I go!

Have a great day... Mine will be filled with caffeine!

Poetry of the day...

I've been on a bit of a poetry kick of late - more reading it than writing some of my own... Anyway, I thought I'd share my favorite one I've come across today... It's called "In Paris with You" by James FentonImage found: http://greenray.deviantart.com/art/Paris-Glamour-101477393

In Paris with You
~ by James Fenton

Don't talk to me of love. I've had an earful
And I get tearful when I've downed a drink or two.
I'm one of your talking wounded.
I'm a hostage. I'm maroonded.
But I'm in Paris with you.

Yes I'm angry at the way I've been bamboozled
And resentful at the mess that I've been through.
I admit I'm on the rebound
And I don't care where are we bound.
I'm in Paris with you.

Do you mind if we do not go to the Louvre,
If we say sod off to sodding Notre Dame,
If we skip the Champs Elysees
And remain here in this sleazy

Old hotel room
Doing this and that
To what and whom
Learning who you are,
Learning what I am.

Don't talk to me of love. Let's talk of Paris,
The little bit of Paris in our view.
There's that crack across the ceiling
And the hotel walls are peeling
And I'm in Paris with you.

Don't talk to me of love. Let's talk of Paris.
I'm in Paris with the slightest thing you do.
I'm in Paris with your eyes, your mouth,
I'm in Paris with... all points south.
Am I embarrassing you?
I'm in Paris with you

I just love how this poem sweeps you away with it's feeling... And of course it doesn't hurt that it talks of Paris - where I'm going to be in 10 short months!!! This poem has such bitter-sweet happy/sad, up/down with the supposed most romantic city in the world being in a place for almost false romance with questions of the validity and realism of love.

Anyway, I just wanted to share it with the world. More poetry next time -- and I'll try to make it some of mine!

Bright Star--Simply Stunning

My best friend and I went to see "Bright Star". It was simply hauntingly, gut-wrenchingly and utterly sublime. I was overwhelmed. My breath was literally taken away by this film. Image from http://www.wildaboutmovies.com/movies/Bright_Star_Trailer.php

I have always been a HUGE fan of Keats but this film has turned me towards obsession. I simply loved how his poetry was woven seamlessly into and through-out the film.

As with all my favorite period authors it doesn't necessarily end happily yet that added such an edge to his poetry. I was crying throughout the film - hearing his poetry actually spoken out is so different to just reading it. This film was absolutely outstanding. I especially enjoyed it given that I am going to be studying the Romantics in particular John Keats - this made the ideology of the Romantics truly come alive. It was amazing!!

Image from http://www.boston.com/ae/movies/blog/2009/09/tys_movie_picks_57.html

The cinematography was stunning. In short this movie was simply spectacular. I encourage you to go see it! And if you have seen it, what did you think?

Uni Starts soon

Guys I just HAD to tell you... It's only a month away til I'm back at uni...


And I COULDN'T be more excited!!!!!

This week I got my uni timetable and all my set reading materials. My textbooks are all so interesting... I started reading them the minute I got home.

My units this semester are going to be amazing - Speculative Literature and Romantic and Gothic Literature. Both are going to be so challenging, exciting and stimulating.

SPECULATIVE LITERATURE is going to be a fantastic subject but a hard one. There are 7 prescribed texts for this class including:
1. The complete Lord of the Rings
2. Fahrenheit 451
3. Neuromancer
4. 1984
5. Brave New World
6. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep
7. And a book of our choice

I think this is going to be one of my favorite subjects of my degree. I simply love reading fantasy and si-fi! It's probably my favorite gene to read. So I'm really excited to be actually studying the gene and trying to figure out what's going on behind the scenes. I;m jumping out of my skin!! I can't wait to dig into the subject matter... I can't believe that I have to wait a whole month til I can get stuck in as it were.

GOTHIC AND ROMANTIC LITERATURE
This subject just has one textbook. A rather LARGE subject... But it deals with the period of the romantics... Wollstonecraft, Wordsworth, Keats, Lord Byron, Shelley, Coleridge, Blake... All the greats!! It makes me so completely happy knowing that I can submerge myself into such great works of Literature

This year is going to be a FANTASTIC year!!! I'm going to be studying some truly amazing subjects, I am starting to work closer to home, I am working more to my strengths in my work at church and MOST happily of all I'm going to Europe in September!!! I simply can not wait... I'll post later about all the info about my trip

So this year I intend to write more, paint more, read more, use my camera more and more importantly I intend to LOVE more...

What's your year shaping up to be?