I failed. What makes this even more difficult is that what I went for seemed so me. It fit my character, my passions and skills. I saw what life could be like - an adventure, pursuing what I love, moving states and generally shaking things up. I liked what I saw.
Now I am left wondering if I really do have the skills or if I've just been deluding myself into thinking I had some talent. Questions of: Am I worth it? Am I on the right track? Am I good enough? Are currently running around my brain at a million miles an hour.
I know that what's meant to happen will and does happen. But a little, rebellious part of me had a mild temper tantrum for a second there. Some major complaining went on. It isn't fair! Why does it always have to be so hard? Why doesn't life ever turn out the way I want it to? Can something go right, for once? Things like that were playing in my brain for a while.
But then life isn't fair and it was never promised that it was supposed to be. At the moment I'm attempting to re-aligning my focus, trying to figure out if I should make some changes and generally taking stock to my life.
I mourn the loss of what I saw life could be like. That's okay. It's okay to grieve just as long as you don't stay there too long.
So I suppose the concluding question is: What's next?
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