A not-so-ordinary Life

So today's a pretty special day for me. Today I celebrate the anniversary of my death. Yep you read right, on this day 25 years ago my mother came in to find me clinically dead in my cot... It's a pretty interesting story (or at least I think so!)... So get yourself comfortable and let me tell you all about one of the most defining moments of my life...

I was born in Brisbane but I had my first overseas plane trip when I was around 8 days old -- and I had my second overseas plane trip when I was 13 days old. But I'm getting ahead of myself... My family lived in Papua New Guinea (PNG) at the time because my dad was a missionary pilot up there so my mum, my two brothers along with the new addition (me!) were going back home. All appeared fine until my mum came to check on me on the morning of the 30th of September.

Mum was concerned that I wasn't making the usual waking up noises. When she saw me she instantly knew something was wrong, something was VERY wrong. For one thing I was a unusual colour and when she searched for a heartbeat or breath she found neither. Now my mum is a highly trained nurse and her fist thought was that it was all too late to save me; that I was already gone. About that time my dad came crashing through the room and started resuscitation efforts. Mum and another missionary nurse got into the act so I had other people breathing for me and making my little heart beat.

I was in obvious need of serious medical attention so we needed to get me to Australia and quick so a quick drive down to the airstrip with the whole family was in order. Once we got to the airstrip there was nothing short of a miracle - a doctor was there. Now you have to understand, these are third world conditions we are talking about; there were no doctors. But just when we needed one, one just happened to be there.

There are a great many little stories along the way such as random pilots giving their oxygen tanks to my dad to try and keep me alive. Some where during the flight to Australia I started to take a few breaths on my own.

When we were safely in an Australian hospital and I was hooked up to a great many machines the doctors pulled my parents aside. It was suggested that it might be the most humane thing to just let me go - my parents weren't exactly keen on the idea.

But I pulled through those first rocky days. Still the doctors outlook wasn't good but I just kept getting better. My parents were told I'd be in a vegetated state or at least severely disabled. I'd never walk, write, talk, read or lead anything resembling a fulfilling life.

Now look at my life -- it didn't turn out how it was supposed to. I walk - yes with a bit of a limp but it's still walking, I drive a normal car, I talk (some may say a little too much!), I write - poetry, novels, speeches, assignments, I read - I'm studying English Literature at university and maintaining an A average, I have an active social life and I'm living my life to the fullest. I'm not writing this for all to say how great I am...

I'm writing this to say that you can do whatever you want. Don't let others put limitations on you. I could have quite easily said "I have cerebral palsy and it's all too hard (and sometimes it is a struggle)" but my parents always told me to reach for the stars and that way even if you miss you'll end up amongst the stars. Life is there to be lived so why not have fun with it? Why not embrace life and who you are and enjoy the ride? Except nothing less that YOUR best - not anyone else's best but yours!

Most of all enjoy who you are! I love being able to look back at my life and see how far I've come. I intend to make the most of the life and live it to it's fullest and not waste a minute on regret. What about you?

Source:http://boozker.deviantart.com/art/Hope-57917822

Words of Wisdom

With so much wisdom out there it's hard to narrow things down into a couple of words of wisdom. But there's a phrase that were given to me as a child - by my astonishingly wise parents - that has stuck with me and helped me all through my life and will no doubt continue to inspire me.

- God don't make junk!
This one was particularly helpful to me growing up. For those who haven't read my blog I have a disability - mild cerebral palsy - and there were times when I would question why I wasn't 'normal'. Particularly after the other kids in the playground were mean to me - I couldn't understand why I was different. I started to think that God had made a mistake when He was creating me... But my parents and other lovely people reminded me and continue to remind me that just because I'm different doesn't mean I'm junk. Just because I'm not classically beautiful doesn't mean I'm not beautiful in my own way. This little phrase let me fully embrace who I am and not worry about what others think of me... All that really matters is what God thinks of me and that He thinks I'm beautiful! By being just who I am - nothing more, nothing less - I have amassed a group of wonderful friends and fantastic family who love me as I am. What more could a girl ask for?

Oh Bloggerdom how I have missed thee...

It occurs to me that it has been ages since I have last posted... I have strangely missed it - feeling slightly detached from a part of myself. I can only blame uni, work, sickness and unending busyness. But excuses no more!

There is a build up of words in my soul just aching for release. So I shall post my own words again soon. But to get me back into the blogging spirit I will share one of my favorite poems... This poem is by Christian Rossetti and it's entitled Remember

REMEMBER
Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning to stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Melancholy I know... But those words contain such depth of feeling I cannot help but be swept away...

The words belong to Christina Rossetti - the picture belongs to me...

Identity In Christ

This is a poem I wrote when I started thinking about the struggle of self-image

Found in You - Conversations with myself and My Lord
By Tafline

Nervously tugging at the hem
Trying desperately to fit in
Are my clothes right?
All the while trying to fit but never quite

Feel I'll never be smart enough
Cool enough, Pretty enough
Desperately trying to fit in
Does anyone care what lies beneath this skin?

Panic sets in
They'll know
Know I don't belong
Just waiting for it all to go horribly wrong

Lord, You tap me on the shoulder
To remind me that You're here
With you, my God, I'm finally free
Free to just be me

My identity found in You, my Lord
And so I revel in the fact
That You made me
Exactly who you want me to be

~~~~~

I believe that we should embrace our eccentricities and realize that God has called you to just be you. The amazing freedom of God's love gives you the opportunity to relax into yourself and not be wrapped up in the pretense.

Some more poetry by me

Because we all need a catharsis and this is mine...



Let Me Be by Tafline

Every time I close my eyes

You are there

I try to get some distance

Please say, “I don’t want you”

On the screen in my mind

You’re always showing

The dreams stop and start

Jarring my brain

Trying to make sense of it

There is no way away from you

Seeing you, thinking of you

YOU, YOU, YOU!!!

Leave me alone

Detachment is needed

I can’t breathe

You’re stealing my air

With you I am monochrome

I need colour

I need light

Let me live… without you
------

The Darkness by Tafline

(Please note: the use of the words "the black" are by no means racial in any way, shape or form... It is meant as a metaphor for depression!!! No offense intended!)

Completely submerged in the black

Straining to break free

My mouth screams

To chase away impending dark

The black leaks into my veins

Becoming a very part of me

I feel it now, surging within me

Overtaking my brain

My words, thoughts and memories are gone

Taken by the black

Stealing every part of me

The black destroying all

The black overcomes me

I know that it is over now

I am no longer my own

For I AM the black

****
Waking Dreams by Tafline

In my daydreams you are mine

As I close my eyes

I know what you’ll say

I know what I’ll do

‘Cause in my daydreams I know the real YOU!

Reality fades as I picture it

You and I together

Facing whatever comes

Finding strength in you

In my daydreams no one knows me like you do

Background noise

The real world intrudes

Ripping me away

‘Will you visit again?’

My daydream answers ‘On that you can depend’

My eyes slowly reopen

It all comes flooding back

For only cold-lighted reality remains

And so I choose

In wakeful dreaming…

To return to you

+++++++

As always these poems belong to my imagination

Blog This What’s sitting on my bedside table

Source: http://nohbdyshome.deviantart.com/art/books-and-chair-10396679

I read such a great many books – it’s hard to decide which books to post on. Now I don’t actually have a bedside table instead I have I had HUGE bookcase right next to my bed.

I read EVERYTHING!! Even if it’s a truly BAD novel I still get right into it.

But now to chat about some of the books I am currently reading:

1) DRACULA by Bram Stoker

Now, I have read Dracula before but I have to read it again for my university course. I am now reading it looking at it through different literary theories. Dracula is one of the first true horror books which is fill of imagery and is truly scary. They don’t write them like this anymore. Reading it from this different angle has really opened my eyes up to the unsaid aspects of the novel. I am finding it so hard to not just get swept up in this novel (as I usually do) but to try and sit down and analyse it.

2) THE NORTON ANTHOLOGY OF POERTY by ed Ferguson, Salter and Stallworthy

This is just a wonderful collection on poetry from all such a wide range of dates. In it you can find poetry to fit your every mood and feeling. Just a lovely collection of all different kinds of poetry to meet all kinds of moods.

3) DREAMS FROM MY FATHER by Barack Obama

I confess I read this book a little while ago and yet I am still blown away by it and think of it often. This book is of course the now president’s memoirs ranging from his birth until his discission to go to law school – (I’m working on THE AUDACUTY OF HOPE at the moment; which covers from law school onwards)

This book is such a completely honest look at his struggle of him trying to find his way in the world and dealing with issues of race, integrity and identity. What I appreciate most about this book is that it is an unflinching look at his formative life. He doesn’t shy away from awkward aspects of life or tries to gloss over the different areas. This book is a simply must read!

4)

THE EYRE AFFAIR by Jasper Fforde

Anyone who is into reading should read these books!! They are so full of little salutes to books that have gone before and so, so, SO funny!! It’s extremely satirical and just beautiful. Wonderful imagery with characters you can really connect with.

It’s just a wonderful idea with a main character who’s a literary detective who has to deal with time worm hole, a father t

hat disappears and reappears into existence and best of all a main character that can jump in and out of books… But enough on my take on the book… Let me read you to back cover:

“Meet Thursday Next, literary detective without equal, fear or boyfriend.

There is another 1985, where London’s criminal gangs have moved into the lucrative literary market, and Thursday Next is on the trail of the new crime wave’s Mr Big

Acheron Hades has been kidnapping characters from the works of fiction and holding them to ransom. Jane Eyre is gone. Missing. Kidnapped.

Thursday sets out to find a way into the book to repair the damage. But solving crimes against literature isn’t easy when you also have to find time to halt the Crimean War, persuade the man you love to marry you, and figure out who really wrote Shakespeare’s plays.

Perhaps today just isn’t going to be Thursday’s day. Join her on a truly breathtaking adventure, and find out for yourself. Fiction will never be the same again…”

Do yourself a favour and read the series so worth it!

As to where I can my hands on my beloved books… I get them anywhere regularly visiting the 3 libraries closes to my house; buying them from all the major book stores plus visiting a fair few second-hand bookstores (there’s one right near my house) and if in doubt there’s always Amazon!!

I tend to just read anything, however, if I am able to find an author that I like I tend to buy every possible book written by them. I read fiction (all types of fiction fantasy, horror, romance, si-fi) and non-fiction (biographies, recipe books,). There are occasionally books that I positively hang out for – one’s that I have on order and am pacing in front of the store waiting for the doors to open.

But if in doubt there’s always the back up of the lovely classics!!!

So there are a couple of the books on my bedside table!