Count 'Em

So my last couple of posts were all woe-is-me/isn't-life-horrible-ly. While this is how I'm feeling I'm beginning to realize that focusing on the negative is in turn perpetuating this negative mindset.

My mum (quite rightly) told me off a bit for being such an Eeyore of late and she suggested that I start looking at the good, even tiny amounts of good, to break me out of this current negative mindset.

Here's 9 I came up with in the first 5 min..

1. My amazing family who put up with everything I throw at them and love me despite my current depressive kick.

2. My camera which during this rough, sad time can still supply me with so much joy.
3. Living in Australia - where we have amazing amounts of freedom (even if they are being slowly chipped away) and a welfare benefits scheme that helps who needs help. There aren't many places in the world where I could live and get benefits from the government for being disabled.

4. Getting a new client at work who better fits my personality. This is a serious weight off my shoulders. I was getting so stressed out with my previous client that when I can home from my first shift with my new client I felt completely relaxed.
5. My true friends who know who I really am and accept me for who I really am. I am realizing just how rare people like that are.

6. Having a house to live in, food to eat and a car to drive - which counts me in the population of the rich even though I earn relatively little.

7. My best friend who lives in another state but still cares enough to email, text and call regularly. Who wants to know what's going on in my life and gives me safety, comfort and acceptance.

8. Having computers, TVs, DVD's, a Itouch, a mobile phone and a plethora of books and art supplies all to keep me entertained.

9. Finding pretty pictures and words that express exactly how I'm feeling at any given time.

You know what? Making this list is lightening the load. It's amazing how your life can look light or dark just depending on your angle.

I will endeavor to pick the light out of the dark - even if it's only tiny specs of light. After all, life's too short to be depressed all the time!Image found on We Hear It

Until the next time I hope you mange to find light in even the darkest of situations...

Daydreaming

At the moment my daydreams are far better than reality…

In my daydreams I slay dragons. I converse with a myriad of mythical creatures.

Men who are smart, witty, talented and fun find me irresistible and interesting.

In my daydreams I am strong and brave and fun. I am vivacious and free.

My daydreams allow me to follow my dreams – I am always an author/artist/photographer. I have the freedom to follow my passions without stress or worry. And I manage to earn money from my art.

My daydreams are not without problems – there are always insurmountable tribulations that need to be faced. But I always win out in the end and I face them with grace.

I am talented and smart. And for some reason aforementioned man always thinks I’m beautiful (even though I remain the plain jane I am).

Mostly in my daydreams I find my place in the world and I live my life well. I am comfortable and I don’t have to try so hard.

I am forced to wonder if I have spent entirely too much time in the company of fictional characters that I have begun to expect far too much from life.

So the question is… will reality ever overtake my daydreams?

Finally

Well it's been a long while since my last post... There is a reason for this... I've been feeling pretty low...

I mean very low...

I mean REALLY low...

While I know that I will experience a brighter tomorrow I am currently stuck in a bit of a pit of despair... While I hold out hope and hold on this is where I'm currently at.

There is a lament and a dissatisfaction in my very soul. I feel so alone, forgotten and terribly lost... I don't know where to go from here... I'm tattered, bruised and broken - with no clue how to get back to where I was. I have my faith, I always have my faith, but everything feels distorted...

I am so tired, so incredibly exhausted.

Burnt
Broken
Lost
Hurt
Crying
Bleeding

My heart cries out for an end to this test. I'd even settle for a brief moratorium.

It feels like not many people accept me for who I am... Instead trying to force me into becoming someone I'm not. Let me be who I am and love me for who I am... I'm odd, I'm different, I see the world in a different light. Is that really such a bad thing?


There is a bright end to this tale of woe... While I feel like most of my life has taken a bit of a tumble I have thrown myself headlong into my new passion - photography. It is a rare day that I don't have my camera in my hands. Whenever I have my camera I feel at home. I can see the beauty of the world more clearly and I feel safe.

I just want to take photos of everything! My two passions (Literature and Photography) are waring against each other and currently photography is winning... I'm not sure what this means...
But in the mean time I'll hope this emotional distress will end... That the sun will set on this test and that there will be light at the end of this long dark tunnel...


I hope your week has been better than mine...

A Continuing Connection...

As you have no doubt gathered from this blog I have two main passions. Literature and Photography.

I LOVE my Nikon D5000 DSLR! There are so many fantastic cameras out there but I adore mine simply for the fact that it's a Nikon. I'm not talking about better brands or if Nikon is better than Canon. I love my NIKON for the enduring reminder and connection that it has afforded me...

In case you weren't aware my dad died when I was in my pre-teens. I miss him and still love him dearly. He was a fantastic father. When dad was alive he enjoyed dabbling in photography. He wasn't a professional just a keen hobbyist. I actually have a couple of his old cameras displayed in my living room...


Lo and behold DAD USED NIKON!!! I took this photo with my Nikon... I like the continuity of it.

I must have gotten my passion for photography from somewhere and dad's looking like the culprit. I know it probably doesn't make a difference or make a whole lot of sense but I love it that I'm passionate about the same hobby as my dad. There's a connection, be it ever so tenuous. When I hold my camera I like it that it's roughly the same size and shape as dad's.

It also really demonstrates the passage of time and amazing advances (both technologically and personally). Dad's cameras are film (shock, horror)!! Sometimes if feels like my camera is more in control than I am! After all I'm still learning...

My dad and I - we are hobby buddies... Separated by time, space and circumstances beyond our control. But still it's there. And as I go on in life where memories become fuzzy, corroded by time there is something tangible in my life that can serve as a reminder that I had a fantastic father who loved me dearly and sort to live with integrity.

And that just makes my adventures into the world of photography even more special.

And so whenever I take out my beautiful Nikon D5000 a little part of me will always wonder what tips dad might have given me to get a better picture... And I like that little reminderAll images taken by Tafline Hoey

Spreading the love...

You wanna know what? It's been a trying few weeks... BUT instead of focusing on the negative and spreading the negativity around I thought I'd share somethings that make me happy... Well a Top 5 list anyway.

1. A site that I'm loving at the moment. We heart it! An absolutely fantastic site. You can find so many wonderful images and works of poetry. I've been spending hours (hours that should probably have been spent of my university homework) trawling through this site finding some beautiful images. Here are a few I've stumbled across:








2. This fantastically funny TV show I found on iTunes. Bored to Death. I love it! I love it! I love it! It's something completely unique and utterly entertaining. Anything I write about it would quite possibly misrepresent it so just look at this clip (or better yet download an episode!):

3. My gorgeous new DSLR camera! I've named it Shayla and she is just perfect. Using her makes me feel SO HAPPY! She's has so many menus and functions - I'm on a steep learning curve. She (in concert with me) can take such beautiful pictures. Every time I pick her up I just get the biggest smile on my face. I always find I'm happiest when I'm creating - be that writing, painting, taking photos or just attacking random objects with my hot glue gun. Here's a photo of my number one girl:

4. The full-stop amazing band of City and Colour! I own and listen to a myriad of music on my iTouch but the best playlists always have lots of City and Colour songs. I just love the simplicity of the music and Dallas Green's voice can just transport me to another place. So whenever I'm having a truly horrifying day I just crank up the volume and just let my troubles float away on the acoustic guitar lick. Check out this clip of two of my favorite songs (and while you're at it check out his tats - beautiful!) :

5. Words of poetry which sing to me, inspire me and comfort me. I lie back into the cushiony softness of words and I am restored. With all the exceptional poems out there it's hard to settle on one... But the one that sings loudest to me in my current hour of need are the overwhelming words of Wordworth. And so I give you...

I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on a high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way.
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in a sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Outdid the sparkling waves in glee;
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company;
I gazed-and gazed-but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is that bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
~ William Wordsworth

And I leave this post happier than when I begun...

This is What Happens When...

So the night finds me once again unable to sleep. The cause - unknown. It could be that I'm naturally a night person, it could be there are too many thoughts bouncing around in my head, it could be my subconscious trying to make sense of things or it could just be that I had a very relaxing day and didn't use any of my energy stores. As I said: cause unknown

But the fact remains. I AM AWAKE! I am awake when all around me is asleep... What I usually do, at times like these, it paint or write - basically indulge my creativity. But my words are still lost; a couple of them came home last night but the words I need are still missing. So writing's out... And as my brother is currently camped out in my craft room all other means of creativity are out.

I am left with but one option. One medium to employ - LIGHT. It is amazing what can be done with a camera on a low shutter speed, the light of an Itouch and the gentle glow of a TV screen...










Why don't you give light painting a go? The best part? - There's no mess!