I know, I know! It has been a really long time since I've posted - and I don't even have the excuse of uni work at the moment!
I just got completely overwhelmed and ended up neglecting the things I love most (i.e. blogging, writing, painting, taking photos) and it's exactly those things that keep me sane.
But I'm getting too far ahead of myself. So, instead, let me share what's been going on in my world...
I have made many - a great, great many - a mistake this year. One of my greatest mistakes, however, was trying to do it all. Trying to keep up with everyone's pace of life and trying to be an important member of every team.
On other words, friends, I stretched myself too thin. I was working, I was doing uni and I was heavily involved in my church group - undertaking tasks that just aren't me.
I burnt myself out and I burnt myself out bad. I was trying so hard just to keep up that I was falling majorly behind.
Before I go on there's something you need to know about me... I love uni! I mean I positively L-O-V-E it!!! Uni is one of my favorite things in the whole world. If I got my way I'd be there 7 days a week for many many hours of the day. I dedicate myself to my studies and - this part is going to sound like I'm tooting my own horn - I get great grades. I usually get 6's or 7 (distinctions and high distinctions)
This past semester when I was trying to keep up with the Jones so to speak, I got the worst grades I've ever received at uni. 2 credits (about a 4 or 5)!! It was heart-breaking.
My thing!! My passion!! And I am screwing it up!!! It was truly terrifying... I mean there I am with a plan to go for Honors, then do a Masters and complete a PhD while lecturing. That's what I want to be, at the end of this exceptionally long road, I want to teach at uni. And there I sat, with two credits, feeling like I could see all my hopes and dreams slowly circling the drain.
To add insult to injury, these grades weren't for required subjects or units that I wasn't interested in. They were my pet subjects - English Literature. My passion! (Obviously, I want to lecture in English Literature if I ever obtain my dream). My lecturer even mentioned that he was surprised at my work because it wasn't to my usual quality. Knife in the heart!
But back to the original point. My uni work suffered because I was trying SO HARD to be like every one else. My passion was pushed to the side because I felt like I wasn't doing enough. Because I wasn't measuring up to what I saw everyone lives to be. I mean, I see people working full-time, while studying full-time, running a house-hold and running a whole department at church. I wasn't even doing HALF that and I wasn't able to keep it together. I was spent, I was done...
Then a friend reminded me that I wasn't required to be like every one else... I was just required to be me. (This seems to be a reoccurring theme of this blog. Sorry!) My friend then went on by prompting me to realise that I'm dealing with more than the average person...And what is average anyway?... But I'm not only making my way through life with a disability but I also have chronic nerve pain. There is no such thing as true rest in my world - there's a lot of pain and there's slightly muted pain. It never stops. And I've got to tell you there are days when it feels like a real achievement if I manage to get out of bed in the morning!
So the long and the short of it is that I am now going to be working to my strengths and working at my level rather than just keeping up. At church I'm no longer involved in everything to do with the department instead I have one little bit that I watch over - a blog for all those people who express themselves creatively rather than being super-social. That's pretty much me to a tee (link to come soon). At work I'm switching to a client with hours that suit me better and is closer to home. And at the end of it all - this whole re-shuffle - I will be given the opportunity to re-focus on uni and give it the proper attention it needs and deserves. So instead of trying to do everything and doing them at about 50% I can focus on a couple of key areas and devote my 100%, my all to them.
So the moral of the story - for me at least - is to work to your strengths and find your fit in life and don't worry about what other people are or aren't doing. Focus on your key areas and give them your all.
All this allows me the time and freedom to focus on uni and to indulge my creative side (honestly I think that's the only side I have!). I now have guilt-free days where I paint, write, read or take photos...
From now on this blog won't be about lessons that I'm learning (however, these will probably come out in my writings... As I re-read my previous posts I seem to lecture while being incredibly introspective. How boring! I'll try and not do that so much!)
Instead this blog will be a space for my creativity and inspiration. It will include
- poetry
- short-stories
- paintings
- general writings
- photographs
- whatever else takes my fancy
Stay safe my blogger friends... Until next time
Image from 
Image from 
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