Beauty Abounds!

There is beauty all around us sometimes it's in the little things... Like this picture:

Just a close-up of a $10 earing but yet so intricate.

Then there's beauty in unexpected places...

This is a head-stone but I find it so peaceful

There's the beauty founds in music

Beauty can be found in the faces of friends and family

The beauty of words and books


And then there's the blow your mind beauty like below

I can't take the credit for these two pictures, it was taken by a friend of mine but every time I look at it my breath catches.

Where do you find beauty?

Hello Blogger Buddies...

I know, I know! It has been a really long time since I've posted - and I don't even have the excuse of uni work at the moment!

I just got completely overwhelmed and ended up neglecting the things I love most (i.e. blogging, writing, painting, taking photos) and it's exactly those things that keep me sane.

But I'm getting too far ahead of myself. So, instead, let me share what's been going on in my world...

I have made many - a great, great many - a mistake this year. One of my greatest mistakes, however, was trying to do it all. Trying to keep up with everyone's pace of life and trying to be an important member of every team.

On other words, friends, I stretched myself too thin. I was working, I was doing uni and I was heavily involved in my church group - undertaking tasks that just aren't me.

I burnt myself out and I burnt myself out bad. I was trying so hard just to keep up that I was falling majorly behind.

Before I go on there's something you need to know about me... I love uni! I mean I positively L-O-V-E it!!! Uni is one of my favorite things in the whole world. If I got my way I'd be there 7 days a week for many many hours of the day. I dedicate myself to my studies and - this part is going to sound like I'm tooting my own horn - I get great grades. I usually get 6's or 7 (distinctions and high distinctions)

This past semester when I was trying to keep up with the Jones so to speak, I got the worst grades I've ever received at uni. 2 credits (about a 4 or 5)!! It was heart-breaking. My thing!! My passion!! And I am screwing it up!!! It was truly terrifying... I mean there I am with a plan to go for Honors, then do a Masters and complete a PhD while lecturing. That's what I want to be, at the end of this exceptionally long road, I want to teach at uni. And there I sat, with two credits, feeling like I could see all my hopes and dreams slowly circling the drain.

To add insult to injury, these grades weren't for required subjects or units that I wasn't interested in. They were my pet subjects - English Literature. My passion! (Obviously, I want to lecture in English Literature if I ever obtain my dream). My lecturer even mentioned that he was surprised at my work because it wasn't to my usual quality. Knife in the heart!

But back to the original point. My uni work suffered because I was trying SO HARD to be like every one else. My passion was pushed to the side because I felt like I wasn't doing enough. Because I wasn't measuring up to what I saw everyone lives to be. I mean, I see people working full-time, while studying full-time, running a house-hold and running a whole department at church. I wasn't even doing HALF that and I wasn't able to keep it together. I was spent, I was done...

Then a friend reminded me that I wasn't required to be like every one else... I was just required to be me. (This seems to be a reoccurring theme of this blog. Sorry!) My friend then went on by prompting me to realise that I'm dealing with more than the average person...And what is average anyway?... But I'm not only making my way through life with a disability but I also have chronic nerve pain. There is no such thing as true rest in my world - there's a lot of pain and there's slightly muted pain. It never stops. And I've got to tell you there are days when it feels like a real achievement if I manage to get out of bed in the morning!

So the long and the short of it is that I am now going to be working to my strengths and working at my level rather than just keeping up. At church I'm no longer involved in everything to do with the department instead I have one little bit that I watch over - a blog for all those people who express themselves creatively rather than being super-social. That's pretty much me to a tee (link to come soon). At work I'm switching to a client with hours that suit me better and is closer to home. And at the end of it all - this whole re-shuffle - I will be given the opportunity to re-focus on uni and give it the proper attention it needs and deserves. So instead of trying to do everything and doing them at about 50% I can focus on a couple of key areas and devote my 100%, my all to them.

So the moral of the story - for me at least - is to work to your strengths and find your fit in life and don't worry about what other people are or aren't doing. Focus on your key areas and give them your all.

All this allows me the time and freedom to focus on uni and to indulge my creative side (honestly I think that's the only side I have!). I now have guilt-free days where I paint, write, read or take photos...

From now on this blog won't be about lessons that I'm learning (however, these will probably come out in my writings... As I re-read my previous posts I seem to lecture while being incredibly introspective. How boring! I'll try and not do that so much!)

Instead this blog will be a space for my creativity and inspiration. It will include
- poetry
- short-stories
- paintings
- general writings
- photographs
- whatever else takes my fancy

Stay safe my blogger friends... Until next time

The Emancipation of Me

You want to know what? I love being me!!! I mean I ABSOLUTELY LOVE being me!!!

I mean yeah sure there is many a time that I wish I wasn't dealing with chronic pain - every single day of my life. There are times - very few - times that I wish that I wasn't dealing with the struggle of dealing with a disability and living life with an immune system that can't seem to keep the littlest bug out...

But on the whole I love my life and I love being me... Some awesome things are: I get great parking (gotta love that disability parking sticker!) and I get money from the government for just being disabled (seriously I love Australia!! The disability pension is such a help).

Most of all I love the absolute freedom to just let my hair down and just be me... I am a weirdo.. SERIOUSLY!! I am a quirky little nerd who lives with her head in the clouds - and I love it.

I'm so ecstatic with life... I am emancipated from society's expectations!! People who see me walking (well, more accurately limping slightly) down the street would never really expect me to be who I am - a really quirky nerd who reads, writes, blogs, paints, works and studies. There is such a freedom in that - I can be and do whatever I want to do.

My best friend can up with a catch phrase to help define me if you will and it is exactly what I am...

I am not bound by the constraints of normality!

I am not, nor have I ever been, normal... I was counted out of that race the minute I was disabled. But instead of trying to fight this - fighting to fit in - I have decided to just be exactly who I am. No worry about pretense or trying to fit into a certain mold... I'm just me - as you are just you.

I've got to tell you once I accepted that I was different - that knowledge was like a breath of fresh air, so freeing, so relaxing. I have had the awesome chance to just relax into myself. So what if I'm different - EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT!! EVERYONE IS UNIQUE!! I just enjoy it a little more...

So anyways, the reason for this post is to tell you all about how I celebrated my emancipation from society's expectations and how I expressed to the whole world that I am happy with who I am... I got a tattoo!! Here's a picture of it...


And I positively love my tattoo. Because whenever I feel like I should be fitting in I just look at my wrist and I'm reminded that I'm 'Usually Unusual' - well, a good friend of mine quite rightfully pointed out that I'm always unusual but that didn't sound as good!

The point is I'm done trying to fit in; trying to be normal. As one of my sappy movies says "Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you're born to stand out?'

From this point on I'm going to just be me; not caring what other people think of me; not worrying if I'm dressed right; not stressing over if I'm going to the cool places or listening to the 'right' bands. I chose to fully embrace who I am...


I am...

a nerd
a hippy
a daydreamer
a poet
a thinker
a student
a painter
a lover of Literature
a writer
a photographer
an oddity
a bibliophile
a passionate pursuer of LIFE
a (wannabe) world traveler
an all round quirky person
a blogger
A WEIRDO!!

And I love it!!

So what about you? Embrace all that YOU are for there is only one you in this world and the world would be so much duller without you in it!! Enlighten me, who are you?

A not-so-ordinary Life

So today's a pretty special day for me. Today I celebrate the anniversary of my death. Yep you read right, on this day 25 years ago my mother came in to find me clinically dead in my cot... It's a pretty interesting story (or at least I think so!)... So get yourself comfortable and let me tell you all about one of the most defining moments of my life...

I was born in Brisbane but I had my first overseas plane trip when I was around 8 days old -- and I had my second overseas plane trip when I was 13 days old. But I'm getting ahead of myself... My family lived in Papua New Guinea (PNG) at the time because my dad was a missionary pilot up there so my mum, my two brothers along with the new addition (me!) were going back home. All appeared fine until my mum came to check on me on the morning of the 30th of September.

Mum was concerned that I wasn't making the usual waking up noises. When she saw me she instantly knew something was wrong, something was VERY wrong. For one thing I was a unusual colour and when she searched for a heartbeat or breath she found neither. Now my mum is a highly trained nurse and her fist thought was that it was all too late to save me; that I was already gone. About that time my dad came crashing through the room and started resuscitation efforts. Mum and another missionary nurse got into the act so I had other people breathing for me and making my little heart beat.

I was in obvious need of serious medical attention so we needed to get me to Australia and quick so a quick drive down to the airstrip with the whole family was in order. Once we got to the airstrip there was nothing short of a miracle - a doctor was there. Now you have to understand, these are third world conditions we are talking about; there were no doctors. But just when we needed one, one just happened to be there.

There are a great many little stories along the way such as random pilots giving their oxygen tanks to my dad to try and keep me alive. Some where during the flight to Australia I started to take a few breaths on my own.

When we were safely in an Australian hospital and I was hooked up to a great many machines the doctors pulled my parents aside. It was suggested that it might be the most humane thing to just let me go - my parents weren't exactly keen on the idea.

But I pulled through those first rocky days. Still the doctors outlook wasn't good but I just kept getting better. My parents were told I'd be in a vegetated state or at least severely disabled. I'd never walk, write, talk, read or lead anything resembling a fulfilling life.

Now look at my life -- it didn't turn out how it was supposed to. I walk - yes with a bit of a limp but it's still walking, I drive a normal car, I talk (some may say a little too much!), I write - poetry, novels, speeches, assignments, I read - I'm studying English Literature at university and maintaining an A average, I have an active social life and I'm living my life to the fullest. I'm not writing this for all to say how great I am...

I'm writing this to say that you can do whatever you want. Don't let others put limitations on you. I could have quite easily said "I have cerebral palsy and it's all too hard (and sometimes it is a struggle)" but my parents always told me to reach for the stars and that way even if you miss you'll end up amongst the stars. Life is there to be lived so why not have fun with it? Why not embrace life and who you are and enjoy the ride? Except nothing less that YOUR best - not anyone else's best but yours!

Most of all enjoy who you are! I love being able to look back at my life and see how far I've come. I intend to make the most of the life and live it to it's fullest and not waste a minute on regret. What about you?

Source:http://boozker.deviantart.com/art/Hope-57917822

Words of Wisdom

With so much wisdom out there it's hard to narrow things down into a couple of words of wisdom. But there's a phrase that were given to me as a child - by my astonishingly wise parents - that has stuck with me and helped me all through my life and will no doubt continue to inspire me.

- God don't make junk!
This one was particularly helpful to me growing up. For those who haven't read my blog I have a disability - mild cerebral palsy - and there were times when I would question why I wasn't 'normal'. Particularly after the other kids in the playground were mean to me - I couldn't understand why I was different. I started to think that God had made a mistake when He was creating me... But my parents and other lovely people reminded me and continue to remind me that just because I'm different doesn't mean I'm junk. Just because I'm not classically beautiful doesn't mean I'm not beautiful in my own way. This little phrase let me fully embrace who I am and not worry about what others think of me... All that really matters is what God thinks of me and that He thinks I'm beautiful! By being just who I am - nothing more, nothing less - I have amassed a group of wonderful friends and fantastic family who love me as I am. What more could a girl ask for?

Oh Bloggerdom how I have missed thee...

It occurs to me that it has been ages since I have last posted... I have strangely missed it - feeling slightly detached from a part of myself. I can only blame uni, work, sickness and unending busyness. But excuses no more!

There is a build up of words in my soul just aching for release. So I shall post my own words again soon. But to get me back into the blogging spirit I will share one of my favorite poems... This poem is by Christian Rossetti and it's entitled Remember

REMEMBER
Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning to stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Melancholy I know... But those words contain such depth of feeling I cannot help but be swept away...

The words belong to Christina Rossetti - the picture belongs to me...